Beauty and The Beast

Watching Beauty and The Beast as an adult makes me realize it's ine if my favorite stories.

The Beast was a spoiled rich kid, an asshole, and was cursed into a position where the only way his life could get better is if he learned to become a better person.

But because of his curse, becoming a better person is the most difficult thing he can do. He's hideously deformed, his family is gone, he lives in a delapodated nightmarish mansion and the remaining people he knows have been turned into talking clocks and wardrobes. 

I can relate to this. Many times, the things I've wanted most in my life only came when I stopped being a dickhead, but not having these things is a big part of what made me a dickhead. 

My "Bell" had come in a lot of forms, maybe it's a person, or a story I heard, or a lesson from my actions, but I owe a lot of credit to my "Bells" who somehow inspired me to stop being an asshole in the meantime. 

Blugh

Gotta do it. 

Gotta write and make content. 

Multple times a week. 

Like eating, 

showering, 

going to the gym, 

cleaning. 

Only if you want to be good. 

Half wake

When I half wake up in the middle of the night. And I am overly aware that I'm a person. 

Better

Was being dumb, and not trying as smart as I could.

Really want to make things better.

Not okay with the life I'm living.

Need to make changes.

Want to make something original and valuable.

Want to elevate skill sets. 

Need to think in new ways and patterns.

Must believe one day things will be better.

Must take tiny steps.

Wear improvement like a hat.

Let it escalate slowly so I don't notice.

Jessica split

Jessica split in two. Then there were two whole Jessicas. They had conversations with each other. Interestingly enough, they often had disagreements, even arguments. They weren't friends, more like acquaintances. They talked shit about each other to their friends. 

Advertising

My chosen career is advertising. I think about people thinking. There is a heavy amount of entertainment, mixed with what is supposed to be human truths, and telling people something about a product or service they didn't recognize before. "Cleaning services aren't because you're too busy, they're because you have the right to be lazy." 

Writers have to have a rich understanding of different points of view. When you have  competing points of view flashing like a two-way highway in your head, it hurts your head, and you find your head hurts less in a grey zone. The Grey Zone is nice. It's where manners were invented, for a reason. 

And the writer will often choose, "I don't know." 

But the thing is we CAN know. We can figure out how 2 + 2 = penguin. We hear the reverb of a swinging bell loudest when it's between the pendulum ends.

It's like someone tied a peice of rope from their toe to their lasts strand of hair on the back of their neck. They're telling you every inch if the rope, starting with the toe, but you can see the whole rope. It's orange. And you have to excuse yourself, because you can't connect with anyone. 

Stone tile

My parents had a unique set of stone tile on our back patio growing up. I remember sliding my fingertips across it. I can't really describe the texture. Stoney, undulating, rough, but that's not really it.

I spend a lot of mental energy fantasizing, with adjectives of who I am, what I do, and where, and how. But when I get these things, and pieces of the fantasy wake up in reality, it's like running my fingerstips along the stone tile.