Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Beauty and The Beast

Watching Beauty and The Beast as an adult makes me realize it's ine if my favorite stories.

The Beast was a spoiled rich kid, an asshole, and was cursed into a position where the only way his life could get better is if he learned to become a better person.

But because of his curse, becoming a better person is the most difficult thing he can do. He's hideously deformed, his family is gone, he lives in a delapodated nightmarish mansion and the remaining people he knows have been turned into talking clocks and wardrobes. 

I can relate to this. Many times, the things I've wanted most in my life only came when I stopped being a dickhead, but not having these things is a big part of what made me a dickhead. 

My "Bell" had come in a lot of forms, maybe it's a person, or a story I heard, or a lesson from my actions, but I owe a lot of credit to my "Bells" who somehow inspired me to stop being an asshole in the meantime. 

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Blugh

Gotta do it. 

Gotta write and make content. 

Multple times a week. 

Like eating, 

showering, 

going to the gym, 

cleaning. 

Only if you want to be good. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Half wake

When I half wake up in the middle of the night. And I am overly aware that I'm a person. 

Friday, January 23, 2015

Better

Was being dumb, and not trying as smart as I could.

Really want to make things better.

Not okay with the life I'm living.

Need to make changes.

Want to make something original and valuable.

Want to elevate skill sets. 

Need to think in new ways and patterns.

Must believe one day things will be better.

Must take tiny steps.

Wear improvement like a hat.

Let it escalate slowly so I don't notice.

Jessica split

Jessica split in two. Then there were two whole Jessicas. They had conversations with each other. Interestingly enough, they often had disagreements, even arguments. They weren't friends, more like acquaintances. They talked shit about each other to their friends. 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Advertising

My chosen career is advertising. I think about people thinking. There is a heavy amount of entertainment, mixed with what is supposed to be human truths, and telling people something about a product or service they didn't recognize before. "Cleaning services aren't because you're too busy, they're because you have the right to be lazy." 

Writers have to have a rich understanding of different points of view. When you have  competing points of view flashing like a two-way highway in your head, it hurts your head, and you find your head hurts less in a grey zone. The Grey Zone is nice. It's where manners were invented, for a reason. 

And the writer will often choose, "I don't know." 

But the thing is we CAN know. We can figure out how 2 + 2 = penguin. We hear the reverb of a swinging bell loudest when it's between the pendulum ends.

It's like someone tied a peice of rope from their toe to their lasts strand of hair on the back of their neck. They're telling you every inch if the rope, starting with the toe, but you can see the whole rope. It's orange. And you have to excuse yourself, because you can't connect with anyone. 












Sunday, January 11, 2015

Stone tile

My parents had a unique set of stone tile on our back patio growing up. I remember sliding my fingertips across it. I can't really describe the texture. Stoney, undulating, rough, but that's not really it.

I spend a lot of mental energy fantasizing, with adjectives of who I am, what I do, and where, and how. But when I get these things, and pieces of the fantasy wake up in reality, it's like running my fingerstips along the stone tile. 

Friday, January 2, 2015

Just Do It (good job nike)


I think the turn of a new year is the right time to bring up something I feel strongly about.

That thing you like to think and talk about doing someday: that screenplay, that competition, that career -  as your friend, I hope you take the first step toward doing it.

You look up at the clouds and think, "They look soft, like I can squeeze them, cool and crisp," then realize you've been concentrating too hard and your feet have lifted off the ground and you're rising, and it's sort of terrifying, so you look back down at your boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, bed, favorite TV show and restaurant, all on the ground, and sink back to where gravity feels safe and comfortable.

One day these things you talk about might ring their last echo, and you turn out okay not trying any of them, thank god. 

I hope you try this though: Get spooky. Be a big dumb fucking idiot and take the first step, and suck at it, and keep sucking at it. It's great, I've been doing it my whole life. But I have an immortal belief that one day my idiocy will adapt and evolve into something new that doesn't suck, and I'll make cool shit, so I can sit in a dark room, drunk, alone, cold, and still feel proud of something. If not, well, I think trying alone is something to be proud of. 

Or you can let your ego fizzle out. Be one of those people whose uncracked "Chinese For Beginners" book props a window open, and you won't care about taking steps anymore because inertia feels like velvet against your cheek. I can only speak for myself, but that makes me sad, dude. 

I have too many smart and talented friends who are only getting better at thinking and talking. If they tried being bigger dumber terrified idiots who walk head first into stuff they're excited about but don't understand, that would make me quite happy, and them too. 








Ten Songs Again

Like many, I get obsessed with certain songs and listen to them on repeat for days at a time. Here are ten of them, in no particular order. And they're not my ten favorite songs, but ten of my favorite songs.

1. REM - Shiny Happy People



2. Built to Spill - Carry The Zero



3. Smashing Pumpkins - Drown 



4. Led Zeppelin - Kashmir



5. Pinback - Good to Sea



6. Fleetwood Mac - I Don't Wanna Know



7. Dave Matthews - Stay (Wasting Time)



8. Phil Collins - Take Me Home



9. Passion Pit - Sleepyhead



10. PFFR - Buffalo Bill The Sailor



All these songs have brought joy to my life. I hope they bring you joy the way they have to me!

Ten bands/musicians I like 2

1. PFFR
2. Built To Spill
3. Prince
4. Dave Matthews Band
5. Ween
6. Smashing Pumpkins
7. Passion Pit
8. Nine Inch Nails
9. Fleet wood Mac
10. Phil Collins 

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

These millennial bros man

What's with the bros today man? 

When I was a kid this was my role model

But now there's

They wanna make awkwardness all adorable and shit, and now we have to watch this guy practice talking to people in the mirror.

And what's with all this anti bullying? Violence is one thing, but words? Come on.


I had three names in 4th grade, Evan, Retard, and Faggot. But I had a choice. Handle it like this dude

Or like this dude

At this rate kids in the future are gonna see this and not get why it's funny

And when did looking at either of these...

...and getting wet or a boner make you this?

I mean don't be this dude

But you don't have to be this dude either

And I can't keep track of how to interact with these stupid personality types 

It's not okay. Stop running away and hiding when I ask you where the bathroom is.

This dude wouldn't do that

Cause he's cool, and I miss when cool was badass.

But the difference between me and JB here, is JB wouldn't go on a blog and blab about this shit, so, what the fuck is with this hypocrite?



 

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Twin

     "Tanya thinks she had a twin who didn't quite make it in utero. She thinks of things that make her laugh and always turns to someone who isn't there. She says things out loud to herself on the street. She has dreams where she speaks to herself face to face. There are two voices in her head and they're both her voice. She needs a second body." 

Time

     "Time is change and motion. If there's no motion or change, there is no time." 

Not anything

"I thought you were nothing. I still say that - you aren't anything."

"What do you mean?" 

"In magazines they have these archetypes of people, like, the weekend warrior bro, the yuppie, the sensitive artist. You like Wes Anderson and Dane Cook equally. What kind of twisted upbringing does someone have to have to like Wes Anderson and Dane Cook equally? That's not a person."

Bed

"What happens at night?"

"I go to bed."

"What happens when you go to bed?"

"My mind turns into a machine gun of thoughts, and I want to eat something with melted cheese that will turn me into a liquid that has no thoughts and soaks into my bed sheets and pillow for three days." 

Friday, December 19, 2014

Thanks

"We did it. It hurt and it took a while, but oh man, this money feels good against my eyelids. Thanks, Ryan, for slapping me across the face with a big metaphorical twobyfour when I said I wanted to go into psychology. We're going to make more money, BIG money, and I've never been more excited about anything. Time to let go of Uncle Sam's lapels, straighten his bow tie, and shake his hand. Come to Gerald's, we're all here. First drink's on me."

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Story Blurbs




MVP




“YES. YES. OH MY GOSH.”

The father leaps three inches into the air. His eyes well and he hugs his wife.

“Oh he’s so amazing,” he says.

The kids line up to shake hands and say “good game.”

Jeremy walks toward the father. He weeble-wobbles because the helmet he carries weighs down one side.

“Get the heck over here,” the father says to Jeremy.

He grabs him by the arm.

“What the heck were you doin’ all second half, making me look like a jerk? Go get in the car. And slap your cleats together so there’s no dirt.”

As the wife, the sister, and Jeremy walk to the car, the father lingers.

There’s a mob of smiling men and boys.  The father stares, squinting and smiling, until the mob breaks and he sees Todd. Number nine.

“My gosh.”

The father heads to the car.



“Is there ice cream?” asks Jeremy.

The father gets up from the dinner table, goes to the kitchen, scoops a bowl of ice cream, returns to the table and eats it.

“Are you gonna take an epsom salt bath tonight for your ankle?” The wife asks Jeremy.

“Yeah, I think it’s—“

“—I’ve never seen Todd make a run like that before. Gosh. He’s really somethin’ huh?” says the father. “Did you see what he did?”

He pulls Jeremy’s plate toward the middle of the table. He uses his ice cream spoon to move Jeremy’s peas and carrots around to recreate the play.

“Right? That was really somethin’, wasn’t it?” he asks the wife.

“Yes it was. He’s so talented, although, I don’t like that girl he’s hanging around with.”

The father waves his hand.

“Oh, Todd doesn’t care about her; it’s football season! And he’s got only one thing on his mind.”

The father slaps the table. It makes everyone’s plates and silverware jump.

 “It’s football season. There’s no time for girls.”

“May I be excused?” asks the sister.

“Huh?” says the father.

“May I be excused?”

“Oh. Sure.”

Jeremy brings a bowl of ice cream into the living room and the father brings a beer. The father clicks on the TV and sets down the remote. It’s ESPN.



The father wakes in the middle of the night in his briefs and Dallas Cowboys socks and heads into his home gym/office/guest room.

He sits on the bench press bench in front of his desk.

He types “facebook” into Google on his laptop. He clicks the first link.

He types “Todd Durnham” into the “Find Friends” box.

Four photos pop up. The father puts on his reading glasses and hovers his curser over the photos. None of the photos look familiar.

“Gosh darn it,” he says out loud, and shuts his laptop. The Apple light on top of his laptop illuminates the center of the Dallas Cowboys sticker on top of it.



“Pop fly!”

The father shoots the ball into the air. Jeremy catches it but almost falls over in the process.

“Is it all right if I have Kyle and Andrew over to spend the night tonight?”

He tosses the ball back to the father.

“Run for a hook.”

Jeremy runs for a hook. The father throws and he catches.

“Kyle and Andrew? You spend a lot of time with those boys, huh?”

“Yeah, they’re my best friends.”

“You want to bring another friend over? Someone new? How about someone from the team?”

“Okay, yeah, like Anthony?”

“Anthony? Oh, I don’t know. What about Todd?”

“I never really hang out with him.”

“So, invite him to sleep over then you can hang out all night.”

“That would be kinda random and weird.”

“No it wouldn’t. That’s how you make friends.”

“I don’t even have his number.”

“Ask your mother. She probably has his landline in a directory or something.”

The father pegs a straight shot right at Jeremy’s gut. He catches it and says, “Agh.”

The father walks toward Jeremy.

“Speaking of your mother. She says you’re thinking of playing lacrosse in the spring?”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“You don’t think that will interfere with spring training?”

“I mean, yeah.”

“So, you tell me, how is this gonna work?”

“I don’t do spring training. Not everyone does.”

“Who, like Anthony? And what is lacrosse anyway, you don’t wanna do that, that’s what those Highland Hills kids do, you don’t wanna be like those f—fancy pants kids, come on, Jeremy.”

The father takes the football and looks over his shoulders.

“You know why Todd is as good as he is? He does spring training. He’s got football on the mind 24/7. Okay Jeremy? 24/7. That’s what it takes.”

The father drops the football, turns around, tucks his shirt in, and heads to the garage where he grabs a beer from the fridge and pulls out the lawnmower.



The father stops at the John John’s Pizza table where the coaches and their sons sit, his hands full of pizza and soda.

“Congrats on the W boys. Played real good.”

The sons, mouth full of pizza, nod.

“Well, they wanted a pizza party and they earned it,” says one of the coaches. One of the other coaches laughs.

The father smiles, a little confused. He eyes an empty seat at their table.

One of the coaches points across the venue toward the table where Jeremy, the wife, and the sister sit.

“Jeremy played good today. Made some nice hits. Right?” the other sons nod.

The father shrugs. “Yeah, well… let’s keep it up!” He ruffles one of the son’s hair.

He sits down at the table with Jeremy, the wife, and the sister.

The father talks about new plays the coaches should try.

Jeremy gets up to go sit with Kyle and Andrew.

The wife and the sister talk about a book about elves who go to high school.

The father watches the other fathers and sons at the other tables.

Through the clutter of a crowded booth, the father sees Todd scooch out, grab his athletic bag, and exit. The father chases after him.


“Todd. You were amazing today.”

“Oh. Thanks. You’re Jeremy’s dad, right?”

“Uh… yeah, well, yeah, but, where are you going?”

It’s darker and crisper outside than earlier.

“My mom is picking me up.”

“She didn’t go to the game?”

“No. She had to work.”

“And your dad?”

“He couldn’t visit this weekend.”

“Oh. Do you want me to give you a ride?”

“No, thanks, my mom is on her way to pick me up.”

“I can give you a ride. Has she already left?”

“It’s fine. Thanks, though.”

A pause hangs in the air.

“Please?”

“Um, she should be here any second.”

The father watches Todd walk further into the parking lot.

“It’s gettin’ kinda cold out,” he says to himself.

10 things I think I know for sure

1. Treating people well seems to be the best protocol.

2. The best answer to an issue usually lies in a grey area.

3. To be really good at something, you have to watch yourself suck at it for years.

4. People who are okay with being made fun of are always cooler than people who aren't.

5. Trying too hard at anything can fuck it up.

6. Hating something alone won't make it suck less.

7. 99% of people would rather be admired and loved than to admire and love, which creates a lot of interesting problems.

8. Music is a form of communication used to explain things language cannot capture.

9. You should sleep in as much as you possibly can.

10. If dolphins had hands they would have developed rudimentary tools and drawings.