Monday, January 26, 2015

Half wake

When I half wake up in the middle of the night. And I am overly aware that I'm a person. 

Friday, January 23, 2015

Better

Was being dumb, and not trying as smart as I could.

Really want to make things better.

Not okay with the life I'm living.

Need to make changes.

Want to make something original and valuable.

Want to elevate skill sets. 

Need to think in new ways and patterns.

Must believe one day things will be better.

Must take tiny steps.

Wear improvement like a hat.

Let it escalate slowly so I don't notice.

Jessica split

Jessica split in two. Then there were two whole Jessicas. They had conversations with each other. Interestingly enough, they often had disagreements, even arguments. They weren't friends, more like acquaintances. They talked shit about each other to their friends. 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Advertising

My chosen career is advertising. I think about people thinking. There is a heavy amount of entertainment, mixed with what is supposed to be human truths, and telling people something about a product or service they didn't recognize before. "Cleaning services aren't because you're too busy, they're because you have the right to be lazy." 

Writers have to have a rich understanding of different points of view. When you have  competing points of view flashing like a two-way highway in your head, it hurts your head, and you find your head hurts less in a grey zone. The Grey Zone is nice. It's where manners were invented, for a reason. 

And the writer will often choose, "I don't know." 

But the thing is we CAN know. We can figure out how 2 + 2 = penguin. We hear the reverb of a swinging bell loudest when it's between the pendulum ends.

It's like someone tied a peice of rope from their toe to their lasts strand of hair on the back of their neck. They're telling you every inch if the rope, starting with the toe, but you can see the whole rope. It's orange. And you have to excuse yourself, because you can't connect with anyone. 












Sunday, January 11, 2015

Stone tile

My parents had a unique set of stone tile on our back patio growing up. I remember sliding my fingertips across it. I can't really describe the texture. Stoney, undulating, rough, but that's not really it.

I spend a lot of mental energy fantasizing, with adjectives of who I am, what I do, and where, and how. But when I get these things, and pieces of the fantasy wake up in reality, it's like running my fingerstips along the stone tile. 

Friday, January 2, 2015

Just Do It (good job nike)


I think the turn of a new year is the right time to bring up something I feel strongly about.

That thing you like to think and talk about doing someday: that screenplay, that competition, that career -  as your friend, I hope you take the first step toward doing it.

You look up at the clouds and think, "They look soft, like I can squeeze them, cool and crisp," then realize you've been concentrating too hard and your feet have lifted off the ground and you're rising, and it's sort of terrifying, so you look back down at your boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, bed, favorite TV show and restaurant, all on the ground, and sink back to where gravity feels safe and comfortable.

One day these things you talk about might ring their last echo, and you turn out okay not trying any of them, thank god. 

I hope you try this though: Get spooky. Be a big dumb fucking idiot and take the first step, and suck at it, and keep sucking at it. It's great, I've been doing it my whole life. But I have an immortal belief that one day my idiocy will adapt and evolve into something new that doesn't suck, and I'll make cool shit, so I can sit in a dark room, drunk, alone, cold, and still feel proud of something. If not, well, I think trying alone is something to be proud of. 

Or you can let your ego fizzle out. Be one of those people whose uncracked "Chinese For Beginners" book props a window open, and you won't care about taking steps anymore because inertia feels like velvet against your cheek. I can only speak for myself, but that makes me sad, dude. 

I have too many smart and talented friends who are only getting better at thinking and talking. If they tried being bigger dumber terrified idiots who walk head first into stuff they're excited about but don't understand, that would make me quite happy, and them too. 








Ten Songs Again

Like many, I get obsessed with certain songs and listen to them on repeat for days at a time. Here are ten of them, in no particular order. And they're not my ten favorite songs, but ten of my favorite songs.

1. REM - Shiny Happy People



2. Built to Spill - Carry The Zero



3. Smashing Pumpkins - Drown 



4. Led Zeppelin - Kashmir



5. Pinback - Good to Sea



6. Fleetwood Mac - I Don't Wanna Know



7. Dave Matthews - Stay (Wasting Time)



8. Phil Collins - Take Me Home



9. Passion Pit - Sleepyhead



10. PFFR - Buffalo Bill The Sailor



All these songs have brought joy to my life. I hope they bring you joy the way they have to me!

Ten bands/musicians I like 2

1. PFFR
2. Built To Spill
3. Prince
4. Dave Matthews Band
5. Ween
6. Smashing Pumpkins
7. Passion Pit
8. Nine Inch Nails
9. Fleet wood Mac
10. Phil Collins